Suboxone
In case you’re wondering what it looks like, it’s the second pill from the left, above. The orange one.
I didn’t mean to come out publicly on NPR that I’m still taking Suboxone. Very few people in my life knew that I was back on it. But when that caller asked me about it, I remembered how desperate I used to be for real information about recovery and medications, and I felt a responsibility to give as much detail as possible.
I went back on Suboxone a few months ago after someone from a very different part of my life was murdered in one of the worst ways imaginable. I was just starting to work on pre-press for the book and it was all too much - I felt like a relapse was inevitable. It was a precautionary measure.
For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, think of Suboxone as methadone for pill heads. It’s a relatively new drug that contains buprenorphine, a partial analgesic, and naloxone, an opiate antagonist. So you’re getting a maintenance dose of an opiate but the naloxone keeps it from binding completely to your receptors. That’s how my doctors and initial research findings described it - there are some websites that now claim the naloxone has no effect on the buprenorphine unless you inject or snort it. If you haven’t taken any opiates in a few days, you will get high the first time or two you take Suboxone until it levels out in your system. That was how I was able to abuse it while I was in rehab. After the first few times of feeling high, you even out to a general feeling of just having no interest in taking pills. Maybe this is partially mental, since I know that if I DID take anything, the naloxone in my system would prevent it from doing anything. Keep in mind, this is how it works on me. As I always stress, everyone’s body reacts differently to different medications.
I was on 12 mg a day for a couple of months and over the past few weeks have weaned myself down to 4 mgs a day. My hope is to be completely off it in the next two weeks. I’m having some side-effects while weaning, mainly having a really short temper and an inability to personally feel like I’m really connecting with anyone I’m speaking to. I can usually hide these things pretty well but a few of my close friends, along with Casey, are getting the brunt of it. I feel terrible about it, and just want this to be done with. I pretty much feel the same way now that I did when I finished the book - that Suboxone can be really helpful for short-term use when you are first getting clean, but really shouldn’t be taken for long lengths of time.
